Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
