i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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