get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
