honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
My balls are so social today.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
