dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
