HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
