i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
