Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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