come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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