Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
