um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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