In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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