The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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