I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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