Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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