Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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