i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
