I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
