I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
