You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
