Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
