1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize