be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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