Nicole vs. Life
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
