Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
