my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It's never too late to be topless.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
