batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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