Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
