Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
