Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
