It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
