There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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