Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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