i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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