I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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