Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
