I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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