So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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