booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
