'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
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