i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
