And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
