I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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