I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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