I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
my poor anus
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
