Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
