The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize