I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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