my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
