Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
