Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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