I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
