I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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