i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Randomize
