You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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