literally had 100 drinks last night.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
