While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
