I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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