I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
