I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
