Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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