I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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