i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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