I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
