I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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