i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
