He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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