for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
