While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize