There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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