I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
