piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
