I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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