I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
